LOVE, SEX, INTIMACY, AND GOD

Here are two essays on love. The first was written August 10, 2003 and the second added August 17, 2008.






LOVE, SEX, AND INTIMACY


¶ Perhaps the popular conception originating with Freud is a lie. Is the basic drive of man and woman physical intercourse, commonly referred to as sex? Should we seek fulfillment for our sexual appetite and justify the means of satisfaction?
¶ The question is not pressing for a married man and woman seeking sexual satisfaction in their marriage relationship. But to those who are not married yet and to those who are no longer married it may easily become a monumental issue! To answer “yes” to that question places tremendous pressure on the non-married and the un-married. “You shall not commit adultery!” applies to all men and women regardless of their marital status. A married man and woman can find legitimate satisfaction in their marriage relationship, but those who are single, both never-beens and has-beens, are without comfort. We must challenge Freud’s thesis.
¶ In the beginning God created man “in his own image.” We need to re-think what that means! If Freud is right God is a sexual being have a “sex drive” similar to what we, his creatures experience. God must be the source of our most basic needs.
¶ In the rest of Scripture there is no revelation of a “sexual need” in the character of God. In fact, it is this “sexual need” in man which urges man to sin against God.
¶ The sons of Jacob murdered the men in the city of Shechem (or Shalem) because “Shechem son of Hamor, the Hivite, the ruler of that area, saw her (Dinah, the daughter of Jacob), took her and violated her.” (See Genesis 34);
¶ Joseph, son of Jacob, refused to go to bed with Potiphar’s wife and said, “How could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” (See Genesis 39)

“While Israel was staying in Shittim, the men began to indulge in sexual immorality with the Moabite women, who invited them to the sacrifices of their gods. The people ate and bowed down before these gods. So Israel joined in worshiping the Baal of Peor. And the Lord’s anger burned against them . . . but those who died in the plague numbered 24,000.”

(See Numbers 25:1-3 & 9)

¶ The Israelites were forbidden to intermarry with the people who they were to drive out of the Promised Land. . .”for they will turn your sons from following me to serve their gods, and the Lord’s anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you.” (See Deuteronomy 7:3-4)
¶ King David, a man after God’s own heart, fell, nevertheless, to Freud’s lie and considered Bethsheba necessary for his sexual drive and then had her husband murdered. Nathan, God’s prophet, rebuked him and told him what the Lord would do. “This is what the Lord says: Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight. You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.” (See II Samuel 11 & 12)
¶ King Solomon, a very wise man, was led astray by the many wives he had to satisfy his “Freudian urge.” “He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods. . . .” (See I Kings 11:1-6)
¶ More cases could be cited to show that the sexual need in man when unrestrained and satisfied actually lead man away from God Almighty provoking his wrath. The sexual urge in man could not have come from “man made in the image of God.” When exercised in its proper place between a man who “has left his father and mother to be united (to cleave) unto his wife, ...they become one flesh,” God blesses the couple with offspring, as a general statement. But in the beginning when God created man in his own image this was not possible. Woman was not yet in existence.
¶ "The Lord took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the Lord God commanded the man . . . ‘You must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die.’ The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’”(See Genesis 2:15-18)
¶ “Then the Lord God made woman from a rib he had taken out of man, and he brought her to man. . . .The man and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame.” (See Genesis 2:22-25)
¶ At this point in time the “Freudian urge” could have come into the picture. (Later, we will see why I believe it didn’t come into play and this time.) However, man’s earliest need was for companionship, “for a helper suitable for him.” Man and woman were created with the urge for companionship. That is the most basic need for man from the beginning until today and forever. Mankind needs somebody to love in the way that God wants to love mankind.
¶ In his introduction to Loneliness is for Loving, (Ave Maria Press, 1978) Robert E. Lauder, and Associate Professor of Philosophy at Cathedral College Seminary and a former lecturer at Princeton Theological Seminary, states:

A perceptive friend who had battled loneliness and reflected long on its meaning once told me that the drive to overcome loneliness motivates people more than anything. She thought that this was the strongest drive behind most human activities. She was a hair’s breadth from the truth. What motivates people more than anything else is the need to be loved. Though closely related to loneliness, the drive for love is more radical, more existential, more personal.”

(p. 9)

¶ His concluding paragraph states:

Loneliness can be frightening. It needn’t be. To be human is to be lonely. Loneliness, when it is properly understood, can be looked on as a gift from God. Loneliness can be an opportunity for insight and growth. Loneliness can be viewed as a call deep within our being, a call telling us who we are and telling us what we should do. Like every other aspect of human nature, loneliness has a purpose. Loneliness is for loving.

(p. 43)

¶ Ira J. Tanner in the introduction to his book, Loneliness: The Fear of Love, (Harper and Row, 1973) states: “Loneliness is the single experience most common to all of us yet it is also the most misunderstood.” (p. IX) He goes on to say:

Our central point is: Fear of love is the root cause of every attitude and form of behavior that separates us from each other. (p. 12) . . . As long as we are willing to risk loving there will always be times when the response fulfils our need to be loved, and our loneliness thaws. These responses may come from people we did not dream would ever respond to us. But that is part and parcel of the risk, indeed the excitement, of loving.

(p. 16)

¶ In his conclusion he states:

The original harmony that existed between God and man lay in the nature of perfect love and trust between them. There was no fear of love. But that changed abruptly after the fall. Trust was shattered and fear abruptly made its inroads into every relationship including man’s relationship with God.

(p. 138)

¶ It is obvious that the separation of man from God and man from fellow man existed after the Fall. Adam and Eve hid from God right after they disobeyed. They began accusing each other when God confronted them. What had been present before the Fall in their relationship with God and each other took a nosedive!
¶ God created man and he loved his creation. When he created man he gave man the desire to love both God and fellow man. In order to love somebody like himself, Adam needed “a helper suitable for him” which God provided from the rib of Adam. Adam now had a companion whom he could love just like God loved him.
¶ The desire for somebody to love is the most basic driving force in mankind. It is true to the character of God. When it was frustrated by man’s disobedience it became “the single experience most common to all of us” (Tanner, op. cite) It is loneliness, the need to love and trust, which we try everything imaginable to overcome. Even the “Freudian urge” is an effort to love and be loved, to have a companion. God so loved the world that he made it possible for us to love each other and himself with the same love which was present before the Fall.
¶ It would be naive to ignore the urge for “sex;” to pretend it did not influence the conduct of man and woman. Was the urge for “sex” present when God created man? No! How soon after did man become aware of this compulsion?
¶ Man, Adam, existed alone in the Garden of Eden in the beginning. He was alone long enough to name “all the beasts of the field and birds of the air.” He was alone long enough to discover that in all of God’s creation “no suitable helper” was to be found. (See Genesis 2:18-20)
¶ God recognized that Adam was alone before Adam named the beasts and the birds. Perhaps God gave him the task of reviewing the animal kingdom so that Adam would realize his uniqueness and his aloneness. Adam may have wondered, “Why did God create the beasts and the birds in pairs male and female? Why do the beasts and the birds have offspring like themselves? I do not find in all of his creation one like myself. I cannot have offspring like myself. Something is missing!”
¶ When Adam became aware of his uniqueness and aloneness, he was ready to receive a “helper suitable for him.” And God created woman from the rib of man.
¶ Adam’s quest for companionship and offspring would be satisfied in the woman given to him by the Creator. Now man will willingly leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh. (See Genesis 2:24) “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” (See Genesis 2:25)
¶ Did they have sexual intercourse at this time? There is no mention of it until after the Fall when they had been put out of the Garden of Eden and forbidden to return. “Adam lay with his wife Eve, and she conceived and gave birth to Cain.” (See Genesis 4:1ff) They were not aware of the “nakedness” until after they had eaten fruit from the forbidden tree of the knowledge of good and evil. (See Genesis 2:2-11) “Then their eyes were opened and they say that they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.” (2:7)
¶ How does the knowledge of good and evil relate to sexual awareness and/or sexual intimacy? Discovering their nakedness was the first result from eating of the forbidden tree. In the temptation the Serpent said, “Your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” And the Bible record states that Adam “lay with his wife Eve, and she conceived and gave birth to Cain” after the Fall.
¶ Did being separated from God because of their sin (disobedience) force them to discover intimacy with each other? Their new knowledge of good and evil and of their nakedness could have stimulated them towards sexual intimacy. Whatever happened, Adam now had a “helper suitable for him” and had offspring like him.
¶ In the beginning when God created Adam and Eve there was a closeness between the Creator and his creation. God frequently visited the Garden of Eden. At least, Adam and Eve were not surprised when the Lord God “in the cool of the day: called to man, “Where are you?” They had already clothed themselves with fig leaves and hid. When Adam finally answered God’s call for him, they conversed about what had happened. They could talk freely and honestly with God. They were friends! This familiarity with God ended when God put them out of the Garden of Eden and barred them from returning. Intimacy with God was lost as a result of man’s disobedience.
¶ It does seem that sexual intimacy between man and woman is a product of that same event. Adam and Eve’s “eyes were opened and they realized they were naked.” Did the knowledge of good and evil suddenly make them aware of the “private parts,” or did this new knowledge reveal body parts which were “good” and some which were “embarrassing?” It is somewhat like a boy and a neighboring girl growing up together suddenly becoming aware how “attractive” the other one is. Their friendship has a new dimension. Their “eyes have been opened!” This new knowledge of good and evil “opened the eyes” of Adam and Eve and their companionship took on a new dimension. They discovered sexual intimacy!
¶ The pain of losing intimacy with God was relieved by the new intimacy with each other. Man was created to have intimacy with God. When God created woman, man had somebody to love as God loved him. Sexual desire for each other came after the Fall of man. It was an added level of intimacy. Mankind could have intimacy with God and could experience intimacy with the opposite sex. Sexual intimacy does not replace intimacy with God, although some people today may think so. Sexual intimacy is the best they can do if the refuse to be intimate with God.
¶ When we are very close, intimate with God, our relationships with other people can be more intimate. First, we need to find nearness to God, then sexual intimacy with our mate. To love our mate as God loves us destroys the barriers to sexual intimacy with our mate. Many of our problems with one another can be viewed as problems which relate to frustrated sexual desires because they are also barriers to intimacy with God. We cannot love as God loves and maintain these barriers.
¶ God gave Adam one person, Eve, with whom he could express sexual intimacy. Man would leave his father and mother to be united to his wife (singular, not wives) and they would become one flesh. A man and a woman will become one flesh. Two become complete as one flesh, not any more. Three or more becomes a problem.
¶ Since the beginning God has wanted man’s devotion, love, or intimacy. God will not endure sharing that intimacy with any other god or gods. The first of the Ten Commandments states that man shall have no other gods besides the Lord God, the Creator. Biblical history is full of examples of what happens when man violates this commandment.
¶ Is it surprising than that when God gave man a woman to love that He would declare that two shall become one flesh and enjoy that intimacy? One man and one woman have an intimacy like one God and one man or one woman. Intimacy cannot be shared with more than one God and one human of the opposite sex without problems.
¶ I would conclude that the “Freudian urge” is the result of the Fall of man. What man has done with that urge relates to the knowledge of good and evil. But in the beginning it was not so. Man longed to love as God loves. There was not among the beasts and the birds a “helper suitable for him.” However, that soon changed.. Man’s most primitive drive is to love this helper “in the image of God” or as God loves.



INTIMACY WITH GOD


¶ What does man and woman’s intimacy with God have in common with their intimacy between themselves? The intimacy most often lacking in marriage is the same intimacy that is also possible with God.
¶ It is not a sexual union. God does not participate in a sexual union with man. Man was made in the image of God, not God made in the image of man. There is a distinct difference between the Creator and the created. Sexual union was given to all creation for the purpose of propagating. At that point there is a physical intimacy between male and female. There is a nakedness between the mates. God does not expose himself to creation. Jesus said, “God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and truth.”(John 4:24) John, the disciple, said, “No man has ever seen God, but God the only Son, who is at the Father’s side, has made him known.” (John 1:18)
¶ Sexual union between man and woman is an intimate relationship. Physically, it is a very close connection. Psychologically, it can be a sharing of the private and personal, a familiarity of the inmost being. Actually, it is a euphemism for sexual relations. The physical aspect is a must, the rest is trimmings. In other words, there is no sexual union without the physical. The psychological sharing and familiarity need not be present to have sexual union. Rape is a sexual union between man and woman. It is a physically, close connection, although forced against the will of one partner.
¶ However, it is the psychological aspect of intimacy which shares commonality with God. When man was created, God had, or at least wanted, a personal involvement with them. (It is not state how frequently had God conversed with Adam or Eve. Was this the first time?) “Then man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’” (Genesis 3:8-10) Wouldn’t you know it, right after Adam and Eve disobeyed God, God comes to talk with them!
¶ He didn’t talk to them about the weather, the plants, the animals, or the birds and the bees. He spoke to them about their innermost thoughts and secretive behavior. Interestingly, Adam and Eve honestly told them what had happened, although they cushioned their responsibility by pointing a finger at somebody else. The Lord God revealed to them how their disobedience affected him and what the consequences would be. There were no secrets.
¶ That is the kind of intimacy which man can have with fellow man and with the Lord God. Again, this is not a physical intimacy. It is a sharing of the inmost thoughts and secrets. It is to bare the soul to each other. It is a psychological nakedness. It is a level of deep, uninhibited trust. It is God’s type of intimacy or love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

(I Corinthians 13:4-8a)

¶ Over time husband and wife may develop a level of intimacy with each other. Deep trust doesn’t just fall out of the sky and smite two people. It is more like the peeling of an onion. Layer by layer the elements of distrust peel away until you reach the core of the onion. Few relationships between people reach to the very core of their being. God knows the heart of man to the core. It behooves man to realize his innermost being and to discover the heart of God.
¶ There can be true psychological intimacy between God and man up to the point of man’s understanding of the heart of God. Psychological intimacy exists to some degree between husband and wife, and between fellow human beings. This intimacy can be shared among mankind and with God.
¶ Just as a husband and wife give of themselves in sexual union, there is a sense in which God also wants us to give of ourselves fully to him. “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–which is your spiritual worship.” (Romans 12:1)
¶ God does not only want our psychological intimacy. He wants a dedication of our whole selves to him, which as the Apostle Paul says, “is your spiritual worship.” The KJV calls it, “our reasonable service.” God wants our heart, mind, soul and body as a living sacrifice for him. We become 100% submissive to his desires. This is not a physical intimacy. It is a total release of one’s complete self to the will of God. That total release of self to another is the intimacy man can find with God and seeks to find in marriage.