¶It is presumptuous to say to somebody, “I love you.” The advice of the day is to be sure to tell your spouse and kids those three “magic words.” Everybody wants to be loved and we need to be sure to tell them that we love them.
¶It’s nice to hear those words. They at least give us hope. However, how do you or I know if they are true? What is the motive behind saying, “I love you” Is the person just trying to work some magic cure on a struggling relationship? Or worse, is the person just masquerading as a virtuous somebody? Do you ever get that funny feeling that the person is a phony? Is the person lying or telling the truth? Are they paving the way to take advantage of me?
¶Perhaps it is difficult for some of us to believe that anybody loves us. Our concept of ourselves is so poor that nobody could find a reason to love us. We just can’t believe those magic words. They are like tossing a drowning man a rope that is only long enough to reach half way. And the rope is thrown over and over again. But, he never gets it.
¶Or instead of saying “I love you,” a person declares emphatically, “You don’t love me.” What they mean is that the way you treat me is not what I understand as love. This often crushes any further attempts to try to love the distraught person. Even if you try to show your love to the person after they have told you that, the person views it as a manufactured love and not a spontaneous love. The person sees you as working to put on a love front, working to look good, when in reality it is not the real you.
¶Therefore, to tell somebody “I love you,” is meaningless the same as trying to prove our love to the person after the same has declared, “I don’t love you.”
¶It would be much better for me to tell you, “You love me. This I know.” Even if you don’t have any love for me, it encourages you to be more loving. However, sometimes a person may tell us that we love him/her, when the last thing we want that person to think is that we love him/her. We fear the entanglements of a love relationship, especially with that person. It may be that the person does not meet our social, financial, or religious standards. We really don’t want to associate with their kind. What did we do to make the person think we love him/her?
¶How many ways can actions reveal love? It depends upon how you and I define love. For many today love is the desire to enjoy sex. The hungrier they are for sex in their relationship the more they are in love. The Greeks called that erotic love. Some are willing to settle for what the Greeks called brotherly love, love of friends, strong emotions, or phileo from which we get Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love. To love a person is to have strong positive emotions towards them which does not include sex. It is sometimes referred to as a Platonic relationship.
The Greeks knew a third kind of love called agape. This is also explained as divine love, the purest form of love. The New Testament writers, who wrote in Greek, only used the last two kinds of love. And by far, the used agape more than phileo. Agape includes respect and honor. In the Bible an excellent definition of agape love is found in I Corinthians 13. The book of First John uses agape love exclusively. When we say, “I love you, I don’t love you, or I know you love me,” the other person must figure out what love we are talking about, determine if actions support that kind of love, and then if he/she wants that kind of love.
¶How would I know that somebody loves me? How do I know the my child loves me? If my child never wanted me to do anything with me, never wanted to talk to me, always spoke angrily, or not at all, to me, I would realize I am not loved. Of course, if my child wanted to do everything I was doing, wanted me to participate in his/her activities, couldn’t wait to tell me about his/her day, and clung to every word I said . . . . you get the picture. . . ., I would feel loved. I could truly tell my child, “I know that you love me.” If I was an enthusiastic, willing participant with my child, I may hear, “I know you love me, too.”
¶Another way to show love is by doing what the other person approves. This could be called obedient love. I read of a situation where the child always tried to win its father’s approval. The child wanted to do what dad approved in an effort to feel loved. In this case, the father couldn’t, wouldn’t, at least never did show love to his child. That does not say that the father didn’t love the child. It only says that the child did not experience its father’s love as the child understood love. People try to please others as a way to show love. Certainly, if there is love, there is also an effort to please the person loved.
¶The ability to love, or to feel loved, has much to do with gratitude. When we realize all of the good we receive from another person and are thankful for them, we can say, “I know you love me.” In the save vein when I say, “I love you,” you may rightfully try to recall if you have received any good from me for which you are grateful.
¶Now, Christians who try to witness to non-Christians or, who try to encourage fellow Christians often say, “God loves you.” While this is true, it does not bring about the desired results: “Wow, God loves me. I’m going to jump on your bandwagon.” Instead the first response is more like, “What makes you think that God loves me? Show me the evidence.” And, then they proceed to argue about the evidence. What the Christian said is true. But, is that the best way to make the point?
¶Suppose that the Christian were to ask, “What evidence do you have that God loves you?” The response might be “None.” At least, the door is now open to reveal the many ways that God shows his love. One great piece of evidence is the life and teaching of Jesus. Jesus practiced love for the people and taught them how to love others. “So what!.” our skeptic replies, “Jesus loved people 2000 years ago. What has that to do with us today?”
¶How many ways does God show his love to us, day by day, year after year? We seldom give this much thought. We are content just to know that somehow or other, God loves us. How much good has come our way, especially in America, and not just the good things that put us up a notch or two above our neighbors? The food we eat, the air we breath, the very life in our body, the ease of transportation, the benefit of work, the blessing of time, the house we live in, the friends who knock on our door, the neighbor down the road, the technology which makes work easier and faster, the tools we use, the clothes we wear, the shoes on our feet. Are not all these good? And, all that is good comes from God. He must love us! If God is willing to give so much that is good to us, does it not stand to reason that He also gave his Son because He loves us?
¶We can truthfully say, “I know that God loves me.” But, just to read the words or hear them spoken, “God loves you,” brings the antagonistic response, “Prove it! Show me concrete evidence that God loves me and I will tell you otherwise.” It is just the same as when a person tells us, “I love you.” However, “I know that you love me,” is disarming, often encouraging and, not a problem for a person who wants to be loving.
P.S.
In the same vein I answered this question, "Can you call yourself a Christian?" with the following:
"Call me anything, but be sure to call me for supper."
Is it true that the disciples of Christ were first called Christians in Antioch? Or, did the disciples of Christ first call themselves Christians in Antioch?
I would rather hear somebody else call me a Christian than make that claim for myself. Others can better see than I can if my life patterns after Jesus Christ.
Unfortunately, people prefer that we identify our religious selves. Perhaps that is because they are in too big of a hurry to decipher our religion, or lack of it.
No, I think we should let others decide if we are Christians or not.
